Right Now (How God Woke Me Up from a Nap)

Right now, talking to You seems like a chore.
It's more of an oughta
than a wanna.

"Pray for me!," she asks.
And I do.
I pray to a God she doesn't believe in...on her behalf.
It feels heavy, as if I have to have enough belief for the both of us.
I suspect she thinks of prayer in the same way that people bury saints upside in their yards to sell houses, or kiss a blarney stone for luck, and blow out birthday candles to make a wish.
A superstition. A good luck charm. A magic word.
And what does she really want me to pray?
That the elderly man will be healed of the cancer that riddles his body?
Probably.
However, he's lived a full life and he's likely tired of pitting the good cells against the bad ones.
Maybe he wants to be done.
Should I pray that she gets to say good-bye?
Or perhaps that she can grieve openly and well,,, surrounded by loved ones.
Or maybe, just maybe, this will be the first time she encounters You.
In her grief.
In the prayer that didn't work.

"Pray for me," he mentions.
And I mean to.
I really do.
But I forget.
Sometimes I can barely manage my own prayers and it seems too much to take on anyone else's.
But You want me to.
It's community. A bigger picture. A bearing of burdens.
So I tentatively put my head into the yoke, which still feels heavy, but You make light.
You always do.
You work best in paradox.

Servant leader.
Baby king.
God man.
Death into life.
Last, now first.
Suffering to joy.
Lions and lambs.

Then comes my prayer, but my lips are silent and my heart feels empty.
Seems I'm mumbling to the ceiling again.
WHERE ARE YOU??

With my head and with my heart I do KNOW that you are there.
Sometimes I need to feel it too.
But I know that feelings come and go, even though you remain.
Prayer is work sometimes.
And just like marriage, it doesn't rely on feelings...rather commitment.

Throughout the day I sometimes toss out Twitter-prayers
140 characters or less
"Hey God! Thanks for the snow on the trees. You're quite an artist."
"Help me be...patient, strong, organized, brave, compassionate."
"Why?"
"Be near."
It's constant contact throughout the day and that's something, right?
But You never re-tweet or favorite.

Then You remind me...you always do,
That prayer is a conversation.
Not a one-way list of demands or thanks.
You invite me to crawl into Your lap as You wrap Your maternal God-wings around me.
You tell me to whisper in Your ear.
To nestle in and hear the beat of Your heart.
To sense Your presence and Your love.
To stop the busy. Stop the demands.
Be still and listen.

You work best in paradox.
The created speaks to the Creator.
God knows and loves man.
You empower me to approach You with intimacy, but trembling and fear,
In awe of Your holy friendliness.

Amen.

Closer to God?

This week, a friend of mine caught up with me and said, "Can I ask you something?" Her tone let me know that she was going to ask me a personal question, so I prepared myself. As her eyes welled up with tears, she asked if Robert could pray for a particular situation. At first this caught me off guard because he is just an acquaintance of hers. I was a bit perplexed that she was requesting prayer from Robert and not me. However, as she continued to describe the situation, a lightbulb went off in my head. She then went on to state what I was thinking...She wanted Robert to pray because he had an "in" with God. I told her that we didn't agree that he was any closer to God than anyone else, but we would both be glad to pray for the situation.

On one hand, I was glad that this person, a non-practicing and non-church attending Catholic, felt comfortable approaching me about a personal and spiritual matter. However, it also made me very sad. It broke my heart to think that she thought that she couldn't directly approach God and that she needed a pastor to be an intermediary. As a Baptist, I (we) hold strongly to the concept of "priesthood of the believer." On the Southern Baptist Convention website states this, "We affirm the priesthood of all believers. Laypersons have the same right as ordained ministers to communicate with God, interpret Scripture, and minister in Christ's name."

So I will pray and Robert will pray, both with equal authority to do so before God. I wish she knew that she could do so too.

Shaking The Dust from My Sandals

My husband graduated from Southwestern Theological Baptist Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas in December of 1994. The president of the seminary when he started was Russell Dilday, whom Robert admired and respected. Dr. Dilday was ousted from the seminary in a coup of sorts when the largely fundamentalist board of trustees voted him out the day that labor was induced for our first son. Robert was very upset and the big headline announcing the Dilday had been "overthrown" was the front page headline of the Adam's souvenir birthday copy of the Fort Worth Star Telegram. Next they brought in Kenneth Hemphill as president, a more conservative choice. He wasn't terrible and it didn't have much impact on the remaining few months of Robert's time at seminary. He remained at SWBTS for 9 years and then Paige Patterson was voted in a president, a big move far to the right and nestled right in the bosom of fundamentalism.

As an alumnus, Robert gets a quarterly issue of the Southwestern News, which has human interest stories about happenings at the seminary, accomplishments of alumni, etc. He never reads it, but I thumb through it periodically. It usually makes me so angry and/or nauseous that I avoid it. However, I picked it up and scanned the major articles tonight while cooking dinner and now I need medication for high blood pressure.

In a nutshell, Paige Patterson is whack! The last time I read the Southwestern News, which resulted in an eye twitch, the news that vexed me before had an encore in this issue. Patterson is a big game hunter and he leads "Game Banquets" which serve the multi-faceted purposes of male bonding, gluttony (I suspect--it is a pet Baptist sin after all), evangelism, and extolling the virtues of "biblical manhood." What is biblical manhood? Well, as a woman I don't dare enter the male conclave, but I can speculate that it includes hunting/gathering, chest-thumping, and keeping the missus busy in the kitchen. Just to clarify, I am not dissing women in the kitchen...if that's where they want to be. While I am in feminist in that I believe I can be and do anything that a man can do (with the exception of anatomical constraints, like peeing while standing up), part of that feminism comes in the loose boundaries of previously compartmentalized gender roles. Men can cook and clean, if they want to, and women can do car repair and yardwork, if that's their yen. I will also state that I do tend to prefer some stereotypical gender roles. I do the bulk of the cooking for my family, but not because I have to. It's because I want to. We have a true partnership and take up the slack for each other depending on the season of life, busyness, and personal preferences. I suspect that doesn't happen in Patterson's house.

Furthermore, this whole concept of big game hunting gets me. This one article states, "He has also taken down some of the world's most dangerous game, including a lion, leopard, Cape buffalo, hippo, crocodile, and an Alaskan brown bear." Here's my question...WHY? While I am not a fan of hunting, I am not morally opposed to it, if the meat is going to be consumed. Hunting for pure sport though? Absolutely reprehensible! I firmly believe that God gave man dominion over animals and clearly indicated that we could use them for food. However, I believe that dominion includes good stewardship and care of animals. One of my friends, who happens to be a Nigerian Muslim, told me how he gloated when he first killed an antelope with a bow he had made. He put a notch in his bow to record his kill. He said that his grandfather took him to task for bragging and being proud of killing an animal and taught him to respect the life of the animal and express thanks for the gift of food that had been given. That's what hunting should be like. Unless you are about to be eaten by a lion or attacked by a crocodile, there is no reason to kill for sport and entertainment. And, by the way, an unarmed wild beast isn't "dangerous" compared to a man with a high powered rifle.

As I continued flipping through the alumni magazine I scanned another article about students evangelizing people waiting in line for the grand opening of a pizza restaurants. My feelings for this type of evangelism aside, here's what the article said:

The group shared the message of salvation with many, including Alex, a student at Texas Christian University; Jay, a lesbian; Todd, an employee of Toppers (Pizza); and Santiago, a 17-year-old high school student.

Everyone in this "cast of characters" is listed by vocation (or student status) except for "Jay, the lesbian." What the heck? First of all, how did they know Jay was a lesbian? Did she have a butch haircut (could have been growing out after chemo)? Was she wearing a shirt that read, "I <3 other chicks?" Did she have a rainbow bracelet on her wrist? Or does she just randomly announce her gender preference for sex to complete strangers? Even if the SWBTS students did actually somehow know for sure that Jay was a lesbian, why is she the only one singled out for her sexuality? Why not, "Alex, a heterosexual; Jay, a lesbian; Todd, a heterosexual open to exploring bisexuality, etc.?" When I pointed this out to Robert, he remarked that what jumped out at him was that there was a bland vocational-type modifier for every person except for Jay, who was labeled as a sinner. She just had a scarlet letter L slapped upon her chest. So if they were doing sin-assignment, maybe the list should have read, "Alex, the porn-addicted college student; Jay, the lesbian; Todd, the lying racist; and Santiago, the bully and luster." (For the record, I don't know Alex, Jay, Todd, or Santiago---just trying to make a point).

Aside from the inspiring articles, there was an advertisement for a women's conference...The Art of Homemaking. You too can be encouraged and uplifted by keynote speakers such as Michelle Duggar. (Back when we were in seminary, we were all kind of fans of birth control). This is because at a graduate seminary, you can get a degree in homemaking. There is a whole prototype house to practice those baking, sewing, greeting your husband, and fetching his slippers kind of skills. And if you are a woman who wants to get a Master of Divinity degree? (The same degree my husband earned there). You can earn that degree, but with a few feminine alterations. Instead of taking expository preaching, you have to take women's ministries in the local church and in lieu of advanced expository preaching you must take expository communication of biblical truth. Women can't preach, silly girl! But oh, since you won't be taking all of those hard-hitting preaching and theology courses, you get one more elective than the men do, so you could take fundamentals of clothing construction or the value of a child instead. I only wish I were kidding. And all of the female professors who were there when Robert was as student...professors who taught theology, ethics, philosophy, and missiology? Gone. There are a handful of female faculty who remain---to teach voice, piano, childhood education, and women's studies.


SHAKE....SHAKE...SHAKE

You were a really great seminary at one point in time SWBTS and we have many fond memories. Seems like that all left with Dilday. And no, we won't be donating when you solicit from us.

Edited to add: Want a good book on homemaking that isn't so rigid, even though it was written decades ago? Try The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer

The Beyonce Wars (Women, Sex Appeal, and Beauty)

Aside from the fight on the gridiron Sunday night at the Super Bowl, another war was being fought according to many...a war on women. Twitter was afire with the #notbuyingit as people were protesting the objectification of women in the ads. Go Daddy seemed to be the most opposed ad, with the passionate kiss between supermodel Bar Refaeli and computer nerd-guy (perpetuating 2 stereotypes). However, the beer commercials that relied on women being beer delivery systems (you know, bringing beer to the men) and being panned across various body parts and the car ads that relied on the whole "chicks dig men with cool cars" theme, it was true. Women were largely objectified.

This video explains a bit more and is well worth the 9 minutes it takes to watch, especially if you are a woman, have a daughter, have a sister, have a mother, or have ever loved a woman. In other words...everyone.

Then enter...

BEYONCE!

Aside from the fact that she apparently had a couple of wardrobe malfunctions too, Beyonce polarized the Christian community. Apparently there was a tweeting war between the "Beyonce is trashy" and "You are threatened by beautiful women" camp. Honestly, I was crocheting, eating, and talking with people throughout the Super Bowl and not paying a bit of attention to Twitter. However, this @ElizabethEsther popped up on my radar the next day and it was entertaining and a bit perplexing to read the "conversation" throughout her Twitter feed. Well, as much as you can have a conversation with people throwing out soundbites in 140 characters or less with no real discussion going on. See for yourself below. (Disclaimer: I had never heard of Elizabeth Esther before this nor do I follow her blog. You can find her and decide for yourself what to think, if you are so inclined.)

@elizabethesther I see that as a problem. She's not empowered, she's slave to the ultra-sexualized culture that surrounds us & glorifies it.
— Christine~Soccer Mom (@CatholicMomVA) February 5, 2013

Re: Beyonce. Maybe some Christians are just uncomfortable with beauty they can't control?
— Elizabeth Esther (@elizabethesther) February 4, 2013

@elizabethesther Is gyrating in a leather corset and heels and playing directly to male fantasies about those fetishes progressive?
— Cassie Chang (@TinyandFierce__) February 4, 2013

Do you know what Christian conversation re: Beyonce is proving to me? That Christians are REEEALLY uncomfortable with beautiful women.
— Elizabeth Esther (@elizabethesther) February 4, 2013

So, my thoughts on the Beyonce hoopla?

They're kind of all over the place.

1.  I think Beyonce is gorgeous and I like the message about body image she conveys, in that she is not anorexic-looking. She has a beautiful curvy figure and she embraces it.
2. I think she could have worn more clothes for her Super Bowl performance.
3. I appreciated the fact that she didn't lip-sync.
4. Beyonce is multi-talented as a singer, dancer, and performer.
5. Many (most?) of her dance moves were overtly sexual. And I'm not the pastor's wife from Footloose. I love to dance. I just question sexual pelvic thrusts and the repeated opening and closing of one's legs in a suggestive way while wearing dominatrix-type clothes.
6. Her songs are catchy.
7. The chorus to All the Single Ladies is: If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Don't be mad once you see that he want it, if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. What is IT? Is it sex? Or even worse...is it referring to herself, as a woman? As this song got stuck in my head and I found myself humming it, I realized that it is really objectifying.

And for the record, I am not the least bit threatened by Beyonce or her beauty. I am just a bit saddened that she's banking on her body as much or more so than her talent...or at least that seems like what she is advertising,

I'm on a bit of a feminist rant in my personal life, so this likely isn't the end of my pontificating. What say you?

Hate Your Show

Robert and I were talking at dinner tonight and he told me about another mutual pastor friend of ours. This guy had recently been in California and had attended some mega-church in L.A. As the band led the first five or so worship songs they were projected on screens. This guy started to notice that something was off. The lead vocalist turned his head away from the microphone and the intensity of his voice remained the same. There was a strong bass rhythm, but the bass player wasn't moving his hand.

...And the mouth movement didn't match the singing.

The worship band was lip-syncing! (Our pastor friend did say that the closing songs were live). I won't speculate as to why they didn't sing live, but I will say that this scripture immediately came to mind

Isaiah 1
13 Stop bringing meaningless offerings!
Your incense is detestable to me.
New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations—
I cannot bear your worthless assemblies.
14 Your New Moon feasts and your appointed festivals
I hate with all my being.
They have become a burden to me;
I am weary of bearing them.
15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,
I hide my eyes from you;
even when you offer many prayers,
I am not listening.

Jon Foreman sings about it here:

Ouch! I may not be lip-syncing, but how often are my lips singing along, but my mind is running through my list of things to do, planning my grocery list, or worse.

Oh, Lord...
Psalm 19: 14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
    be pleasing in your sight,
    Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Amen

Breaking Up with Beth Moore

I am breaking up with Beth Moore. Since I am the wife of a Southern Baptist pastor, this may seem like blasphemy. I can assure it is not. Really, it's okay.

So here's the deal. I was a former card-carrying member of the Beth Moore groupie fan club. The first Beth Moore study I participated in, I also led because the original leader had to back out at the last minute. The study was A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place about Moses and the tabernacle. I was riveted. I was hooked. I spent so much time in my Bible and felt like I learned an incredible amount about biblical history and the character of God. So, then I led anotther one and another one. In the meantime, I also attended my first Living Proof Live conference in Lebanon, MO. I've since been to Living Proof conferences in various place around the US. I don't know how many, but I would suspect around 7 or 8.

When we moved to Wisconsin in 2007 for my husband to plant a church, he took a year to study the area and see what and where the needs were. During that time, we visited church after church after church. We had family church at home on Sundays for the four of us, but we really had no church home. While it was good "research" it was also exhausting and we felt very disconnected from a community of believers. We certainly became aware of the need and purpose of Christian community. During this time, I was craving that connection with likeminded people and decided that I would look for a Bible study in the area that I could get involved with. It turned out that the church we visited that next Sunday was just getting ready to start Beth Moore's Believing God study, one I hadn't done yet.

I joined this group and it was awesome. Two of the women were PWs from this church and it was nice to form a friendship with them. My husband already knew both of their husbands. Two of the other women in the study were church members there and then there was another random woman---a seeker, if you will. The first time we watched the accompanying DVD I realized that Beth Moore doesn't translate well. Sure, we speak English in Wisconsin, but the homespun humor and the "darlin's" just don't work in the upper Midwest Everyone enjoyed the study and got a lot out of it, but it seemed to be IN SPITE of Beth Moore, not because of her. The seeker especially, seemed a litle disturbed by the presentation.

Fast forward to our little church plant about 1.5-2 years later and we do our first women's Bible study. We picked Anointed, Transformed, and Redeemed: A Study of David by Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, and Priscilla Shirer. I had done several Kay Arthur studies in high school and I wasn't at all familiar with Priscilla. We had a smalll motley crew of me, and 3-4 other women from our church plant. Three of them were believers and one was not, but was a faithful church attender trying to figure out what she believed. As with all Beth Moore studies, this one had extensive homework requiring 5 days of study per week. All the other times I had done a BM study I had been a stay at home mom or worked very part-time. Lesson number one I learned was that a BM study is not realistic for a woman who works full-time outside of the home. While I know that some women do it, for me it came down between family time or time doing homework. One might argue that I still need to be spending time in my Bible and that's true. However, there's a difference between spending time in scripture and doing silly homework/busywork like writing a specific verse three time or going on a biblical wild goose chase looking up random verses that really don't pertain. As the nonbeliver in our group stated, "That was a $hitload of homework and I can't get it all done." The homework requirement wavers between encouraging legalism for those doers like me or becoming defeatist for those who can't get it done. And so, so much of the reading is just personal stories from Beth Moore that aren't crucial to understanding the scripture.

Even though I am a native Southerner, born and bred in Alabama and having lived in the south all of my life, when I look through my Midwestern lenses, Beth Moore is not relevant. Her homey humor, "beloved," and "bless your heart" sayings don't translate. I would watch the faces of native Wisconsinites as they watched her DVD. They thought she was cheesy and as much of an over-the-top caricature as Jeff Foxworthy. And then there's her "girl banter" in which she jokes about the trouble of being female. I can remember a particular DVD is which she describes visiting Africa for the first time and sleeping in a tent (gasp!) and realizing that there were no outlets to plug in her curlers, straightener, etc. (double gasp!). "You girls, know what I'm sayin', right? We wouldn't be caught dead without our face on and our hair did." Hah! Most of the Wisconsin women I know can shovel snow, chop wood, and milk a cow without batting an eye. So many of my students grew up on dairy farms and were out milking cows by 5 am, shared a room with 4 other siblings, and didn't have a car until they graduated from college and bought their own. Concern about curling their hair in Africa would not rank in their list of concerns. And quite frankly, she's very patronizing to women and holds very, very strict gender stereotypes. Finally, as a church planter's wife, I have realized how much religious-speak peppers Beth Moore's speech. We spend much of our time with people who have no experience in the church and have limited exposure to the Bible. Beth Moore is hard to follow because of all of the religious language she uses and spiritual assumptions she makes.

So Beth, I'm breaking up with you. Your niche is in the south, but people up here just aren't buying what you're selling.

11/18/13 Thank you all for your comments to the post, but positive and negative. I have learned a lot from many of you. However, others of you have been hateful and non-constructive. I love to engage in healthy debate with people who can argue effectively from both sides of an issue, but I will not allow you to "come into my living room" (my blog) and hurl insults. Therefore, no more comments to this blog are being accepted.

2/20/14  I have written a follow-up here: http://thesecretlivesofpastorswives.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-day-my-blog-blew-up-follow-up.html

The Minister of Belonging: A Tribute

Robert and Jonathan--on of the last photos of the two of them taken shortly before we moved to Wisconsin

Jonathan Wilmore, a dear family friend, died yesterday. He was one of the oldest living people in the United States with Gaucher's Disease of his type and he died peacefully in his sleep three days after his 30th birthday. I am so glad that he got to celebrate a milestone like 30 on what would be his last birthday and it fell on such a great date--12/12/12.

Our family first became acquainted with Jonathan, or "Johnny B" as he was commonly known, when my husband, Robert, was serving as a youth minister at Parkview Baptist Church in Baton Rouge, LA. Jonathan had recently completed a laity leadership course at another local church. When it came time for the award ceremony, Jonathan was told that they would just give him his certificate---no need to walk across the stage and be acknowledged. Why? Who knows? But it hurt Jonathan, he came to our church, and a mutual friend asked Robert if there was a place for Jonathan to serve in the youth ministry.

Johnny B working with Hurricane Katrina refugees

Youth ministry games

It is rare to find a photo in which Jonathan isn't flexing or...

...arm wrestling. He was always in awe of his own muscles and strength. He would drop and do push-ups on his knuckles and arm wrestle anyone, anytime.

So here's what you need to know about Jonathan. Because of the Gaucher's Disease, he was short. Actually he had long legs, but he had some skeletal problems and severe spine curvature which significantly diminished his overall height. He wore bilateral hearing aids and had some significant vision problems which resulted in several eyes surgeries and coke-bottle glasses. Jonathan talked...a lot! And loudly. Oftentimes, the filter from his brain to his mouth didn't function very well and he would say whatever popped into his head. He was impulsive. He didn't always think about consequences. He had some fears and anxieties, especially a fear of heights. And did I mention that he was loud?

But here's the thing...

Jonathan was loving. He was innocent. He adored people and fed off of the energy of crowds and human interactions. He was winsome. He had a great sense of humor and was a big fan of practical jokes, particularly when he wasn't on the receiving end. Jonathan was joy personified. As I have seen people post of Facebook and Twitter about him, as well as personal messages and calls we have received, everyone...EVERYONE...in Jonathan's circle of influence has mentioned how much Jonathan taught them about Jesus. Jonathan loved each and everyone of us. And he taught us how to love, even when it was inconvenient and uncomfortable. I'm sure that Jonathan had days when he was in pain--bone pain, pain from infusions and transfusions, pain from surgeries and procedures. However, I can't think of one single time when I ever heard him complain. Ever.

So, Robert created a job for Jonathan--The Minister of Belonging. This wasn't merely a title. Although Jonathan wasn't getting paid, this was a hardcore volunteer position. Robert created a job description and (flexible) hours. Jonathan's biggest responsibility was welcoming all of the youth on Wednesday night and at other events. He also helped plan and set up. He even went on hospital visitation. Yeah, Jonathan really liked the ladies and was a big hugger. Because of his height, his face was usually chest level with the teenage girls, so Robert had to talk to him a time or two about side hugs and verbal greetings, but that was Jonathan. All of the youth loved Jonathan. He attended most events, was their biggest cheerleader, and loved to be in the midst of all youth activities.

Robert and Jonathan about to go on hospital visitation. Johnny B thought it was hilarious that they accidentally wore matching shirts

And then at the hospital, they met a woman with a green striped shirt, so Jonathan insisted on getting a photo with a random matching stranger

Jonathan became an important ex-officio member of our family. Although he was too old to be our son (in his early 20s when we first met him and we were in our mid-30s), he still functioned as a big brother to our two boys. This relationship was complete with wrestling, arguments, annoyances, tattling, and other brotherly type shenanigans. Because Jonathan's birthday is December 12 and our youngest son's birthday is December 13, they even had a joint birthday party one year at Jonathan's request.

Me and my three "sons" at the Bayou Bonfires in the River Parishes. On this particular night, we visited relatives of one of my co-workers who had an open house. We lost Jonathan briefly and found him helping himself to the buffet of complete strangers :-)

While Jonathan was exuberant and fun, he was also exhausting. When going with him to the mall or the hospital, he was terrified of heights and was totally unashamed of asking to hold a hand. One of my favorite photos (that unfortunately I can't locate), is of Josh, Jonathan's pastor, holding hands with Jonathan at the mall. Two heterosexual guys, one in his 20s and the other in his 30s, holding hands in the mall because that's what you do when someone you love and care about is scared. Jonathan pushed us all beyond the boundaries of "proper behavior." And sometimes Jonathan's unabashed good intentions would result in socially inappropriate actions or (loud) conversations in public. He was always receptive to learning though and would take the gentle instruction of his friends in stride. 

When Robert and I learned about Jonathan's death last night we cried, then we began to laugh with tears streaming down our faces as we recounted "Jonathan stories." We talked about him needing to hold Jesus' hand in heaven ALL the time because he is scared of heights. We smiled, thinking about Jonathan being the ultimate Minister of Belonging in heaven now. We laughed, wondering if he would try the patience of Jesus at times and if he would be hugging all of the women.

As a believer in Jesus Christ and one who knows that Jonathan was a believer who lived out his faith in everything he did, I know that Jonathan is free now. I know that he is not in pain. I know that he has a new body that can hear, see, and move perfectly. I know that he is at rest and perfect peace. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt those he left behind who love him. 

He left a grieving mom and other relatives, as well as many friends. We moved to Wisconsin almost 5 1/2 years ago and I haven't seen Jonathan since that time. However, we'd have occasional Facebook conversations. We are probably going to Louisiana in May when Robert graduates with his D.Min. and I fully anticipated getting to see Jonathan then. Now I won't. That sucks! Even though he hasn't been a presence in our daily lives these past few years, knowing that he isn't around anymore makes me very, very sad. I cried last night and off and on throughout the day today. Fortunately I can grieve with hope knowing that for Jonathan, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (II Cor 5:8).

Jonathan, you were so loved by so many. You impacted every life you touched in significant ways. You showed us the face of Christ. You have been a bright star in our lives. I am so very grateful for the opportunity to know you and spend time with you. You taught Robert and me such important lessons and I am thankful that our boys had the privilege of knowing you as well.

The poet Emily Dickinson once said, "My friends are my estate." 

You died a very wealthy man.